Can I Ever Trust Again?

According to statistics, at least one out of every two people that read this have experienced the heartache of divorce, and a number of you know the pain that infidelity can inflict on the soul. Whether you have experienced those pains yourself or have witnessed your friends or family experience them, you can easily come to the resolve to never trust again.

If you are one of those who have experienced divorce, infidelity, or both, you may have thrown in the towel on relationships altogether. Before you completely dismiss the idea, know that God is able to restore your trust and give you a partner that will compliment you, as well as enhance your relationship with Him. The key being, of course, that you put your complete trust and confidence in Jesus Christ. Anything else is asking for trouble.

From the times that I served as a Singles Pastor, and being single myself, I have seen many traits that keep people who come from failed relationships from successfully entering a healthy relationship again. Some of those traits are as follows:

Discontented with Being Single

• When you buy the lie that you can’t be happy unless you are married, you fall into the category of discontentment. When this happens your goal in life is directed towards finding a spouse. If you seek hard enough you will find what your looking for, but if you leave God out of the process, don’t expect it to be a “Match made in Heaven”.

Ignoring the Red Flags

• People anxious to be in a relationship tend to overlook red flags. We must realize that no one is perfect and that our personalities will clash at times, but we must also be aware that there is a major difference between a personality clash and a red flag. If your dating someone who is abusive (verbally or physically), controlling, overly jealous, etc., get out NOW!

Carrying Your Luggage with You

• A major mistake is to bring your past hurts, pains and failures into your new relationship. This is especially the case if you are a victim of infidelity. Many relationships are destroyed because of accusations that stem from past pains. Just because your former spouse hurt you, does not mean your new spouse or interest will.

• Before continuing, I feel like I should emphasize that adultery, fornication, extra-marital affairs and other immoral acts are not normal behaviors for Christians. If you have a relationship with Jesus Christ and are walking in His truth, these activities should not even be an option for you, let alone a lifestyle or mindset. If you are living that way, please realize that you are deceived and the truth is not in you (1 Cor. 6:9-11). Regardless of how people may try to justify those behaviors, it was wrong yesterday, it is wrong today, and it will always be wrong. This is one of those “Red Flags” that cannot be ignored. Don’t be so desperate for a relationship that you turn your back on God.

Spiritual Incompatibility

• 1 Corinthians 6:14-15 warns us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Though this should be common knowledge, it can not be expressed enough. Don’t even think that your mission in life is to convert an unbeliever by marrying them. Evangelize to the lost all you want, but don’t marry one! Not only are you in opposition to God’s Word if you do, your asking for a life of misery.

• Also, don’t get involved with someone who’s belief system is not the same as yours. Make sure you are pursuing someone who has a genuine heart for God. The church is filled with people who label themselves Christians, yet they behave just like the world. 1 Corinthians 5:9-11 tells us to steer clear of them completely.

Besides surrendering your life to Jesus Christ, getting married is the most important thing you will ever do. Don’t fall into the traps listed above. Don’t be anxious. Don’t be discontent. Put your trust in God and He will guide you to the right person… someone you can love, someone you can trust.

Jeremiah 17:7 (NASB)

⁷“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD.

Check out “Single and Satisfied“, a great sermon on a similar subject.